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5 Things - Supernatural
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without_me wanted to know Five pranks Dean really wants to pull on Sam, as soon as the opportunity presents itself.1. So, the thing about the girls Dean usually meets is that they're not the brainiacs Sam likes, but they're still people, right? They have lives and stories and dreams and ambitions and maybe those don't include pre-med Stanford like Jessica, but everyone has something that they want to accomplish. Okay, sometimes that's nothing more than a cameo on the next Girls Gone Wild, but still. Dean's not in any position to judge.
He likes to hear what makes them happy--and not just in bed. You never know what you're going to hear, and God knows there are times that Dean needs some happy in his life. Like this one chick, in Delaware, she worked for some place uptight, as a secretary or something like that, something that would have had Dean cutting off his own leg to escape from it, but she was a single mom, and he respected that she was doing whatever it took to do right by her kid. This place had some kind of whack dress code, to the point that they got all snippy about nail polish colors. What made her happy was that she'd found this stuff that was clear in normal light, but in sunlight, it turned pink or blue or lilac.
When she was telling him about it, Dean wasn't thinking about anything other than the way it made her smile, but after a little bit, he'd asked her where she got it, and swear to God, the next time Sam actually falls asleep, there is no way Dean's not slapping some of the pink stuff onto those paws of his. With any luck, Sam'll be paying for gas before he notices.
2. Okay, seriously. What the hell is wrong with good old-fashiond Crest? The paste kind, that comes in the tube? The first time Sam comes in with the funky gel stuff, in the little bottle, Dean can buy that it's an honest mistake. But the second time? After Dean's made sure to mention every morning how much he hates the stuff? Dean's pretty damn sure Sam's declaring war. And y'know, the funny thing about that gel stuff is that it's got the same color and consistency as that other crappy idea: liquid soap. (At least Sam hasn't gone there yet; there's still nothing but Ivory in their dopp kits.) Fixing Sam up a special bottle of the stuff'll make a nice distraction the next time he's waiting for Sam to finish geeking out a library. The look on Sam's face once he gets a good mouthful of the stuff might make the best picture yet.
3. Short-sheet his bed. What? Respect the classics, bitch.
4. Dean remembers Sam reading Lord of the Rings when he was ten, a pudgy, too-serious kid carrying around that big-ass book for a month, muttering and mumbling to himself, basically ignoring Dean. And hey, Dean was fourteen and figuring out what to do with all the girls who were always giggling to their friends when he walked past, it wasn't like he needed a pain-in-the-ass little brother tagging along everywhere. And then, Sam was finished and Dean suddenly became The Man, because he could shoot a bow and handle a sword and for the first time ever, Sam wanted to do all that, and that maybe felt better than Dean wants to admit.
While Sam was ... away, Dean ended up seeing the movies--what? It was slow around Christmas and, y'know, Liv Tyler's rock royalty. And there was the blonde chick with the sword--like Dean's going to say no to that. He's never told Sam though, which is gonna make changing the default language on Sam's laptop to Elvish especially sweet to pull off. Sam's gonna know it had to be Dean, but he'll argue himself out of it, just on general principles. After all, how would Dean have a clue about Tengwar?
Yeah, it's gonna be great.
5. A couple years back, Dean took care of a little poltergeist problem for a large, well-known, desperate-to-remain-unnamed casino on the Strip and now his name's on some kind of a list. He just shows up and they comp him a weekend. Room, food, couple hundred in chips...it's better than a platinum card. There's a drop-dead gorgeous red-head who deals blackjack there, too--she's not part of the comp, but she and Dean have worked out their own side deal and Dean knows she'll be up for anything.
He figures this one is win-win: either he gets to watch Sam turn fifty shades of red and fall all over himself trying to get out of the room as soon as the word 'threesome' gets thrown out there, and then spend some quality time in bed with someone who likes sex as much as he does, or...
Or he gets to watch Sam come. From the same bed.
There is no bad there.
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