Daily December #4 - The House of Boys (HoB) and Me

[topaz119]

Life with boys: lessons, hacks, unexpected pleasures, or whatever I want to write about (for ariadnes_string)



First off: it's possible that I just have metro-sexual kids, but wow, boys do too care about their hair. I mean, I think they care more than I do about what shampoo they use, etc. And they stopped going with their dad to his old-time barber shop years ago. They go see the same lady who does my hair. Yup, me and my tail of boys, taking over half the waiting area of Salon [Vxxxx] in Buckhead. At least we aren't about to buried under scrunchies/ribbons/barrettes.

People look at us when we're all out together, me and my four (because D counts as one, too) boys and say things like, 'wow, you're really outnumbered,' and said boys all laugh, because, yeah, no. D uses the American football 'half the distance to the goal line' analogy--with each kid, it got closer, but it'll never get there. And other people tell me all the time that it's too bad I don't have a daughter, because I'm really missing out on how special the mother-daughter relationship is, but really, I do have a mom, and... we're not that close. If the comment is condescending enough, I'll point to me (handsome, polite, smart, funny) boys and ask which one they think I should have sacrificed for the mythical daughter. D usually tries to hide his face at this point, but hey, we dated for forever before we got married: he knew what he was getting into.

I guess I'm supposed to miss going shopping with my daughter or spa weekends or something, but I'm not all that excited about shopping and I'm perfectly fine going and getting mani-pedis by myself (My nails are wet--I can't answer my phone! No one can call and ask me for stuff! It is bliss!) I was pretty much the only girl in all of my classes / workplaces (if women in STEM are underrepresented now, I invite you to imagine the ratios in the 70s/80s), so it's not like hanging out with all boys is something new. And, conveniently enough, my best friend also has only boys, so whenever we get the urge to smack them all upside the head, we go find a chick flick to watch and then drag them out and watch them eat their bodyweight in ribs or something. (Mine are all 6+ feet, hers are pushing 6'4" and wow, do boys EAT. And stay skinny, sob.)

The one time over the years that I've felt a little isolated is when I'm craving someone to go to the ballet with me. None of them have any interest (I dragged D to see Misha back in the 80s--he claims that no one else will ever come close, so why bother, which is ... partially true? but I am somehow unconvinced of the totality of his sincerity.) They all love musicals, though, so that's not a big thing. On the other hand, I'm the one who takes all the neighborhood kids to see all the comic book movies and all the other moms are so grateful for what is really something I love, so maybe it's for the best that I have all boys.

Comments

[kimannebb]

Wow I really love this. I agree with everything you said. While you have 3 plus D, I only have 2 plus D (haahaa, they both start with D). And people sometimes talk about a daughter but... I look at my boys and think, no, this was perfect. I think about me and my mom, especially the teenage years and shudder to think of going through that. Not that i think boys will be easy, but I feel there is not an undercurrent of something else. And I think of my relationship with my Mom now and think how... careful it is, she has these ideas of what she want me to be to her and I don't think I ever live up. (Again I don't think it's just mothers/daughters that struggle with this.)

I look at myself, my personality -- just not sure what I'd do with a girl now. And my boys, they are awesome. We do art projects, we bake (which they love to do). LM#2 is my helper, he will help me do anything. LM#1 was like that for a while but he's 8 now so that comes and goes.

You mention hair, I brush it every morning and stress that it's important to do (the brushing) :) But LM#1 has asked for a buss cut... I'm not ready for that. So, him being 8, I said no and pointed out it was winter and that he'd want the extra hair. But I may lose this battle come summer, but I think, he's 8 I should still be able to tell him how to wear his hair. And then I think, no, he should try it. So I have a few months before I need to deal with that. And LM#2 has curly hair, I love it, he loves it and we will continue on that path until he comes to me and asks for a buzz cut *whimper*

This kinda got away from me. :) Sorry about the length. But I agree with what you said and I find it odd when people ask me about wanting a daughter, it's just such a personal question to casually put out there.

[topaz119]

Oh, there must be something about that 8 age, because that's right about the time my older guys went for the buzz cut, too. They were out with their dad, so they came back and ACK, their pretty hair was GONE. I mourned, Kim. I truly mourned. I think they kept it that way for a year? maybe not that long, and it's never been that short again. Two of them keep it long and shaggy now, and the middle one is more about the close-cut, but not buzzed, look.

I always wonder about people like that, who feel like there's only one right way to have a family... And lots of people feel free to comment (right in front of the kid!) that since Baby!Boy is so much younger, we must have been going for a girl. I like to answer that no, it was just D's birthday and we got carried away. (D hides his face on that, too.)

[turps]

I did enjoy reading that. Your boys always sound lovely, and your family one filled with love.

[topaz119]

Oh, thank you, Terri. I'm always so happy and grateful that my kids all like each other and are friends. It's a good thing to see.

[sperrywink]

Awww, nice tribute to your pack of boys. *g*

[topaz119]

I don't know what I thought having kids would be like, but it's been a lot of fun (in between some truly heart-stopping moments of panic and terror.)

[escritoireazul]

No kids myself, but my partner's nephew moved in last summer, and after having spent some extended time with him, wow, yeah, teenage boys serious care about their hair and their looks and their scents. Like, he spends more time getting ready on a regular day than I ever did on my fanciest work day, and I love him for it. And he's so passionate when he's talking about the things he loves. I didn't get to spend this much time with his older sisters when they were teenagers, and I'm sad for it now, because teenagers are awesome and smart and interesting and so much fun.

[topaz119]

Teenagers really are cool. I've enjoyed all the stages of childhood, but there's definitely a lot of fun in seeing what matters to them now and how they engage and interact with the world, even if it does mean I'm having conversations about things like sex and partying before 8 in the morning as I'm driving them to school (I am NEVER caffeinated enough for those conversations!)

[escritoireazul]

... Yeah, that's really, really early for those conversations. Good grief. And rock on you for being so great to them.

[kaelie.livejournal.com]

And other people tell me all the time that it's too bad I don't have a daughter, because I'm really missing out

Hmm, these must be the same people who tell me that I'm going to be sooooorrry I didn't choose to reproduce.

You know, I've known you long enough to remember when Baby!Boy was really just barely past babyhood, and for you to tell me that he's past six feet is just mindblowing. :)

Three cheers for Missy and the House of Boys! :) Muah!

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

It is always amazing how people just know exactly how everyone else should live their lives.

I have to post the picture from Homecoming-- Baby!Boy and his teeny-tiny girlfriend, all in black and so grown-up!

♥

[ariadnes-string.livejournal.com]

aw, many hearts for this post--thank you!

And other people tell me all the time that it's too bad I don't have a daughter, because I'm really missing out

I get this all the time, too, even from my own mother ("I don't know what I would've done if you'd both been boys, I don't know how you manage," & etc.), and I can't believe people can't tell how rude they're being--telling you how sad you should be about something you had not control over, and that is a source of joy, anyway. Like telling someone, it's such a shame you're short, you're really missing out on all the great views from up here.

My boys did go to the Nutcracker with me for years, which was a blast, but I do miss the shopping. Also the chattiness (I spent the weekend with a friend who has two girl recently, and I couldn't get over all the stuff they shared about their lives hours after meeting me). But I feel like I've learned so much and gained so much from having boys.

Looking forward to the day mine care enough about shampoo to even wash their hair without protest, though.

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly! The whole cookie cutter approach--if you've had one boy, you've had them all!--is just so annoying.

The ballet here is so-so--I'm really not missing anything, but every time we go to DC, I'm checking the Kennedy Center for visiting companies even though I know there's no way I'll get anyone to go with me.

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

Having both girls and a boy, I can't recall that we ever did a lot of gender specific - whatever that means - stuff together. Adam always cared way more about his hair than the girls did, and every time I turned around it was a different color or texture or cut. He had a pierced ear around the same age the girls did, and he was a let's sit and play board games kind of boy, not often running around and being rambunctious. He was, and still is, the more sensitive of the three. (more gender stereotypes, sorry.) He's way more interested in clothes and grooming than Ash, and neither of the girls does a lot of makeup, manicures, or jewelry. Ashley has taken up carpentry and is building a couch. We got her a sliding compound miter saw for Christmas.

When Adam was little, while watching Olympic figure skating, he was very worried that not everyone would get flowers thrown onto the ice after they skated and wanted to make sure the judges or someone had extra flowers that could be thrown, just in case. (That is one of my favorite Adam stories.)

We were also the closest when they were all young, probably having to do with him being the youngest, the only boy, and not a twin. While Ash and I certainly share a brain and have replicated in a lovely way the relationship I had with my mom - we were best friends from the time I hit puberty until the day she died - Adam and I can talk for hours and agree on just about everything, and I have always been accused of liking him best. (Thank god for skype.)

Point is, of course, every kid is important for themselves, not their gender, and while I've been lucky mother/daughter-wise, not everyone has that, and that's okay. It's a really silly thing to say. Lois has two boys and she really is outnumbered and wishes she'd had a girl, but a lot of that is because her husband doesn't particularly value girls or women, and then it gets really complicated after that.

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

The gender stereotypes really annoy me (as I've been fighting it all my life) but Oldest loved Frozen more than any of his female cousins; BabyBoy can sing the entire Rent score; and #2 used to have me lay out his clothes for school for the entire week so he knew everything he wanted to wear was ready to go. At the same time, they game alot, BabyBoy almost has his black belt, and #2 built his computer with the money he made refereeing soccer games.

People are so stupid, aren't they.

[barkley.livejournal.com]

I was facetiming with the nieces and nephews on Thanksgiving and the girls took great pleasure in telling me that the oldest boy is totally into his hair. He agreed. Of the 10 things on his I am Thankful list, 7 were hair care products. (Said nephew is 10, and he's already outpaced me on the caring and number of important products..)

Your house of boys sounds delightful.

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

Hah, that's awesome. Mine have very specific products that they like--there was severe trauma when Bed Head switched their formulas around and we couldn't get the green stuff for awhile.

And thank you--they are pretty okay, if I do say so myself!