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The week after a vacation is always crazy--I know this, and I try to plan for it--but this one has broken all records.
I am living Anne Lamott's shitty first drafts this week, in all aspects. I've got a book at work that is a gigantic mess, with (mostly incoherent) notes from 3 different engineers; the house is looking like the Before of a Clean Sweep episode; my Big Bang is almost to 10K but I still can't quite find my groove or figure out what story I'm trying to tell; and I filed for an extension on the taxes at 10 p.m. last night when I realized that I didn't have the tax ID # for the afterschool care program.
Have I mentioned how I have to talk myself through the first draft stage, how I *hate* things not being right even though I know it's all a process and I can (and will) fix things in the next draft? This need to be perfect, it's one of those duh things that took me until I was nearly 40 to figure out about myself and to logically see how it grew out of my childhood, but just because I see it now and try to work with it doesn't mean that there's not thisscreaming panic murmur of disquiet running just under my skin right now, about everything.
And all that is nothing given that D's 17-year-old SUV apparently has gasped its last gasp and even the mechanic who has kept it running for the past few years says it's not worth him working on it. I think we might have a line on a used Honda, but wow, I haven't even gotten the credit card bills from spring break yet, sigh.
On the very, very plus side, I have a massage scheduled for this afternoon with the divine Dale and I have every confidence that she will work through all the stress kinks and the freaky stuff going on with my body (seriously, it's been 10 days since I did the zip lines in Costa Rica, but I had a death grip on that harness and I can still feel the weirdness in my shoulder.) And right near her is the best cupcake bakery, so I will get some of those (and it's spring! which means they will have their super-delicious strawberry flavor available!) and if I'm really lucky, the guy selling luscious ice pops will be on the corner and I will be able to get a grapefruit mint popsicle for the ride home. (Or perhaps a tangerine basil. Or, if I'm really lucky, he'll have a fudgsicle-like chocolate sea salt flavor again. YUM.)
( also on the plus side, a few pictures from the trip. scenery, for the most part. )
I am living Anne Lamott's shitty first drafts this week, in all aspects. I've got a book at work that is a gigantic mess, with (mostly incoherent) notes from 3 different engineers; the house is looking like the Before of a Clean Sweep episode; my Big Bang is almost to 10K but I still can't quite find my groove or figure out what story I'm trying to tell; and I filed for an extension on the taxes at 10 p.m. last night when I realized that I didn't have the tax ID # for the afterschool care program.
Have I mentioned how I have to talk myself through the first draft stage, how I *hate* things not being right even though I know it's all a process and I can (and will) fix things in the next draft? This need to be perfect, it's one of those duh things that took me until I was nearly 40 to figure out about myself and to logically see how it grew out of my childhood, but just because I see it now and try to work with it doesn't mean that there's not this
And all that is nothing given that D's 17-year-old SUV apparently has gasped its last gasp and even the mechanic who has kept it running for the past few years says it's not worth him working on it. I think we might have a line on a used Honda, but wow, I haven't even gotten the credit card bills from spring break yet, sigh.
On the very, very plus side, I have a massage scheduled for this afternoon with the divine Dale and I have every confidence that she will work through all the stress kinks and the freaky stuff going on with my body (seriously, it's been 10 days since I did the zip lines in Costa Rica, but I had a death grip on that harness and I can still feel the weirdness in my shoulder.) And right near her is the best cupcake bakery, so I will get some of those (and it's spring! which means they will have their super-delicious strawberry flavor available!) and if I'm really lucky, the guy selling luscious ice pops will be on the corner and I will be able to get a grapefruit mint popsicle for the ride home. (Or perhaps a tangerine basil. Or, if I'm really lucky, he'll have a fudgsicle-like chocolate sea salt flavor again. YUM.)
( also on the plus side, a few pictures from the trip. scenery, for the most part. )
