back by popular demand...

... or at least back because I was talking about it earlier and it's always good for me to remind myself, because while fandom does generally make me happy, sometimes the specifics make me crazy. Originally posted in 2008 (and loosely aggregated for years previously.)

Stuff to Remember When Fandom Isn't Keeping You** Sane

**as authored by my subconscious, and where "you" == "ME" / YMMV [where "you" == YOU]

When fandom is pissing you off, go back to the source.

Stay off the boards, whether they be TWOP, show boards, ONTD, or the JJB. They're not nearly as clever/amusing as they think they are, even when they're at the top of their game.

Fandoms change. They grow and morph and you don't want them to not do that, because then they're dead. If you find a fandom that is perfect for you, say THANK YOU and enjoy it for as long as it lasts, because it WILL change. Think of it fondly over the years as you enjoy what else comes along. (RIP, The Bronze (circa 1st & 2nd Season Buffy))

It's not cheating to tailor your reading/watching/participating. Even if you've previously loved everything that a person has written (whether meta or fic), it's OKAY to step back and say, "wow, are WE on different pages here," and move on. You're in a different place, she's in a different place, you're both coming from different experiences--what might piss you off to the nth degree doesn't necessarily have to even blip her radar. That does not make you a fragile flower or her a insensitive douche. It means you have differing opinions. Full stop.

Remember how much you hated grad school? Remember the totally disbelieving look on D's face when you mentioned a PhD? Right. Critical analysis is like poison for you. It sucks the joy out of not only that which is being analyzed, but out of everything in your life. Stop thinking that you "should" enjoy it. You don't. Deal.

It's not fandom--it's people. Fandom is not especially wanky--trust me on this. You want wank? Go to the full round of elementary/middle/high school PTA meetings that you're signed up to attend. And seriously, there are asshats in fandom, just as much as there are asshats in any other group. If you want to run around and get upset about every idiot saying idiotic things, have at it. But recognize that you can end up spending every free second doing that.

Once you've put something out there, it's *out there*. Forever. And ever. Plan accordingly (aka, motherfuckingTHINK before you pop off at the mouth.)

The fandom experience is a continuum; people join in at all points. You really don't have to rehash the "why fanfic/slash/rpf?" discussion *again*, not unless you want to, but it's okay for others to do it. Let it slide. (Unless they're being stupid and/or insulting, in which case, pop some popcorn and settle in. Also, this would be a good time to check old links so the next time Teh Stupid happens, you can lay down that comment that says, "god, this discussion is *so* 1997" and leave.)

...and most importantly:

You really *don't* need all that swag. Honestly. No, really. Trust me--okay, fine. You're right: it *is* too much fun. I'm sure we can find someplace to put it all.